After long debate…

Figured I’d actually put this up after all. Wrote it back in July and it’s been sitting as a draft since. Easier using this as a response to some of the feedback on my latest episode of MoM than keep having to type it out…

July 4th was two weeks ago. Our nation’s birthday, the moment in time when we officially broke off from the tyranny of England for what we felt at the time was their unfair taxation. A 2% tax. 239 years later though we have no problem with our own government asking for 5% on everything we purchase, or 25% on what we make, can’t forget the 15% states need on that income, another tax on what you already own, list goes on ad nauseam- and yes those numbers vary depending on where you live. More and more of our money is going to balance a budget on which we get little say because our representatives know what’s best for us. Our country’s revolution was built on the motto “No taxation without representation”. Yet we’re allowing it happen every day.

What kind of say do we really get in where this money is going? It’s constantly leaving our pockets and bank accounts and from there…. Our infrastructure is decaying. For all the talk of how much welfare and out reach programs there are, why are there still so many people living poverty or on the streets? Look at how much is dumped into the war effort, and what as a country have we gained from it? The middle east is still fighting one another, as it has been since before America became a country. No real progress has been made. We’re still using the same power supply as we have been since the early 1900’s, still use combustion engines, list goes on. Our lives haven’t changed much at all from our ancestors of only 4 generation prior, save we now have more things to keep our minds occupied off what’s really going on. Rome had the coliseum to keep it’s populace from focusing on the shortcomings of their “Leaders”. We have internet, smart phones, cable, Netflix, Hulu, think you get the point. Every day I see more and more people buried in their respective screen of choice and ignoring the world around them. There are more ways to keep your attention off what really matters than ever in recorded history…

The latest generation gets a lot of flak for it’s apathetic outlook, but few have stopped to ask the simple question of why. Could it be we have a whole group of young adults who are not happy with how this country is run and the status quo? I don’t like their views when it comes to comedy and speech, but I can’t help but think they might be right that this life shouldn’t be such a struggle. Just look at how much food is wasted every day by not being sold by their expiration date instead of going to a family or individual who needs it. We’ve become a society of waste and greed.

The worst part is we allow this behavior to go on. No one wants to rock the proverbial boat. We accept this is the way it is and keep ourselves quiet. Voting is only part of the fix. The whole system needs a shake up from top to bottom. You can vote all day long, but the people those votes put into office then go on their own agenda, they do what serves them and what will line their pockets. Why do corporations too big to fail get bailed out? Because they were why that representative was in office in the first place, funding their campaign and buying their vote. We say it on Vapor Reporter all the time, it is always about the money. It shouldn’t be. People should matter more. History shows us though just how little we care when it comes to people in this country. From the killing of its indigenous population, to the indentured servitude and slavery, to the fact we said no we won’t take your Jewish refugees Germany before “The Final Solution”… We talk a great game about caring for people, but that’s all it is in the end- talk.

We live in a time where we could have true democracy. No representative but yourself. Even the homeless have cell phones, use that technology to allow every person to vote on every bill. Would be a lot easier to get things passed and implement changes when there will no longer be any dog ears and pork projects thrown on to a bill about speeding for example. There would be no one person’s agenda to be fulfilled in order to make a law pass, it would be true majority rule. It would be a government for the people by the people again for the betterment of all, not just a few. It’s why I’m actually looking forward to the 2016 election. As of right now Bernie Sanders is leading Hillary by a few points in the early polls, and Trump is leading the republican party. We’ll get systematic change one way or the other. Either the people of the country will speak and say we want true representation from our elected officials, or that it is all just a Hollywood production and since we can’t elect the Terminator as Commander and Chief we’ll go with a reality TV star…. But what do I know, I’m just an idiot behind a keyboard or mic….

Sometimes a song is more than a song…

Call it whatever you will- coincidence, fate, dilutional thinking, really don’t care. When something major shifts in my life, one of the many bands I happen to be a big fan of finds a way to word it in a song better than I ever could. It’s like the soundtrack has been written before the movie so to speak. Emperor’s “With Strength I burn” was probably the first instance of this happening. I was 15, did everything my own way without a regard to what was right or wrong and gave zero shits on the consequences. “Even though I nothing learned, with strength I burned” summed up my teenage years to a T, though it still fits me to this day so not sure if I ever have really grown up since then… R.E.M.’s “New Test Leper” was from the same time period and in the same vein. I had just been told by my childhood friend of 10 years that I was a horrible person and would burn in hell because of my beliefs and what music I listened to (King Diamond specifically), even though nothing had changed about me since we first met except now my views were out in the open, two weeks prior to the release of New Adventures in HiFi. Like with “Strength I Burn” it remains a core song or anthem to my life. Both are one on my funeral playlist along with many others mention and not mentioned in this post (people will need music to listen to as they throw my rotting newspaper wrapped corpse from a moving vehicle after all).

There’s been many a song that hit just the right spot in my psyche during break ups. Bands like Counting Crows, R.E.M. again, Acheron, The Ravenous (“Dead, Cut Up, and Ready to Fuck” is the ultimate hate song for your ex, don’t care what anyone says), Iced Earth, list goes on filled those points. Perhaps none encapsulated better my feelings at the time than Barenaked Ladies album “Everything to Everyone” after the whole “Bitch” fiasco. “Testing 1-2-3” summed up every part of that relationship and it’s aftermath. Really the whole album could have been the soundtrack to that entire moment of my life. It’s the same reason why Counting Crows song “August and Everything After” (yes there is a song, it’s lyrics are on the cover of the album, but the song is not) sums up much of my “dating” life…. “Crazy as a Good Thing” by ilyAIMY has been my wife and I’s song from the first time we heard it. ilyAIMY is our band, neither laying claim to them as their favorite as we do with King Diamond, Emperor, R.E.M. (all mine), Nirvana, Sister Hazel, and Ani Difranco (all her’s) for example.

Since 9/11/15 our life has been turned upside down. Becca lost her job, a few weeks later she’s pregnant, I start a new part time job, which becomes my full time after finally filing my emancipation papers from CVS, it becomes my part time again and now am working full time for a single restaurant 37-41 hours a week, think you get the picture. Nothing sums up how I’m feeling right now better than a song from Ben Fold’s latest album- “I’m not the Man”. Yet again the universe has provided the soundtrack…

Some Xmas thoughts….

Christmas has always been weird for me. I liked presents as a little kid (who didn’t?), but never understood the concept really. We get gifts because Jesus was born on this date and three wise men gave him spices and gold, or because some fat dude comes down a chimney handing out presents to the good boys and girls. That just didn’t sit right with me. Having actually read the bible as a child/young teen (started it when I was 9, finished it by the time I was 13) realized early on Christ was born around the same time he died, tax season. So his birthday is not December 25th, but far closer to Easter. It wasn’t like our parents were giving us rare metals and exotic culinary additives either. Toys, clothing, and a few sweets. Think we got the better end of the deal though, at least we could use or amuse ourselves with the gifts we got. What the hell was Jesus going to do with spice?

Santa was a whole other issue. I was always creeped out by him. Used to sneak downstairs with a small baseball bat (the miniature ones you buy for kids at ballgames) and wait with my dog Clancy by the fire place. He wasn’t sneaking into my house to watch me to sleep. I mean think about it, here’s a guy who watches every move you make apparently. He knows when you’re sleeping, when you’re awake. He wants you to sit on his lap and tell him what you want. Then enters your house though illicit means to give you gifts. Nothing is for free. Santa was pulling the Cosby routine on kids long before we even brought attention to child touchers. At least that’s always been my theory…

Next year will be the first Xmas with our kid. He/She (don’t know the sex yet, we think girl though) will be 6 months. We haven’t decided yet how we’re going to explain the holiday to them. Neither one of us want to force any religion or philosophy down their throat, and there’s no way I’m using Santa to keep them in line (you be good and he’ll give you gifts for molesting you, bad and he gives you coal yet still a good rodgering afterwards). Wife’s idea is to use Dumbledore, which I really don’t have too much an issue with. The key message I want to pass on to though is really what this time of year is truly supposed to be about, showing the people in your life you care about some appreciation. The biggest gift you can give is time. Material things come and go, they’ll be a few items that will transcend the years, but the being there and memories built from it are what stay long after.

No podcast last week…

We have told the news to a few people, but at my wife’s request we’re still not announcing it to the world just yet. The second official episode of Good Morning With Demons has done surprisingly well. Just wasn’t up to doing a new episode this week, couldn’t get my voice right for Abe. I don’t use any vocal processing on that show and refuse to. If I can’t do it naturally, what’s the point?

This is my last week of being on the payroll of my job of 16 years. As expected was told just take my two weeks vacation and go. I could have done a lot of horrible things on my way out, but decided it would be better to go on as good of terms as possible. Didn’t have the FU money to outright quit and fly up to Woonsocket to play bongos on the CEO’s skull Homer Simpson style (my ultimate wish, one day it will happen, just not now). We went to go see ilyAIMY on Halloween (Happy birthday again Ms. Heather) a lot of people noticed something different about me. The reason is simple, I’m happy. I’m doing a job where I make my own hours, only people I have to answer to are the restaurants and customers I’m delivering to, and making more money doing a lot less work. The easiest part of my old job was driving in DC, that is now the hardest part of my job. I actually enjoy driving in the city.

Mario is doing great, he’ll soon be ready to visit people, and as Becca just reminded me we need to get out the thank you cards soon. Some days he’s as good as he used to be, others he’s still a little wobbly. He’s jumping, running, and humping though. Our only issue is something I can’t talk about yet….

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Last night had a great time talking with my buddy Cloudie from Let’s Vape and YouTube fame. Did a nice little segment for LV about LiPo’s. Can’t wait to get to do a full show with him and Vick….

God damn do I have a lot I want to share, not only here but on the podcast. Hoping to record one Thursday night with my good buddy Raul, and in the near future a MoM with Cloudie. I just can’t say anything really personal until Nov. 27th….

A major announcement coming….

Not sure if I’ll break the news on a MoM or a VR. Let’s just say yet another change has taken place in our lives….

Have quite a lot of writing that I need to type up on here. Now that I can’t drive at my main job have nothing to do but write while sitting in the passenger seat in between stops. I’ve gotten 4 “chapters” of a story so to speak written, which will go up on here bit by bit…. There are a lot of rants and observations. Some like when the Ferguson incident took place just isn’t fit so much for the podcast but written word.

The sucky part is have even less time on my hands. The part time job is paying better than the full time. Might be switching that to my full time or lone job in the near future. Enjoy it more and a lot less stress despite driving in DC. People are happy when you bring them food. I need to find the time to get what I want done though. So sick of working constantly to pay the bills to be too tired to feed the soul…

Everything keeps falling apart….

The past 2 years have been rough. They’ve both have had a few bright spots, but on the whole they’ve been downright shitty. I have my health at least (watch this jinx that now). The past month and half though has had to be the worst. Mario injured his back, my wife found out she was being demoted, my job continued to suck, list went on. It was all balanced out though by the support of so many friends when it came to Mario, and still had the deep seated feeling things would get better come September….

I was wrong. Wife went from being demoted to fired. An incident I still can’t talk about at my job took place and have no clue what will happen until tomorrow. Normally this is where I would be stressed to all hell and trying to figure out what to do. Instead I just don’t care anymore. I’m tired of giving shit. I just need my wife, my dogs, and my friends, and fuck everything else. Hey if I get fired there are other options out there and at least I’ll have more time to write and come up with new ideas for the podcast.

This past episode I know I went too dark, which is why instead of me recording am doing this blog entry. Weird part was it was a different friend than usual to let me know I was going to the bad place. That’s the cost of doing a show by yourself, no one there to pull you out of the abyss until after the fact. I listened to it the prior afternoon before my buddy sent me the message, already had the same feeling. So volume 3 of Peter Jackson will be pushed back until I can balance my anger with laughter again. Seriously doubt it will be this week.

Message has been heard loud and clear though universe. It’s time for a change. Once my wife gets back from her recharge trip with Loki we’re going to discuss our options. We’re not giving up, but it’s clear there’s nothing more for us in our current state.

This month needs to end…

Mario is home. He’s hasn’t eaten yet (not through lack of us trying), but he refuses to take his meds. Not sure when I’ll get to another podcast, may not be until Vapor Reporter on Saturday. Just taking it one day at a time. Know what I want to talk about, but not sure if I can get through it without breaking down. I’ll only say this, when someone who has nothing notices you’re upset and gives you a hug and offers their prayer (yes I know how weird that sounds from me, but I get where they’re coming from) and sympathy for your dog it truly shows the best side of humanity. Makes sense- money is the great ruin-er, those without are not tainted by the greed is breeds…. This month has been just a shitty for quite a few of my friends, and for their dogs. One of my best friends learned how much rattle snake anti-venom costs per vial and how much is needed for a 40 lbs four legged kid… And that was just the tip of his iceberg… So yeah, this month needs to end. Thank you all for your support, and for listening to my dumbass meander on about whatever. All I ask is please share Mario’s fundrazr page and send positive energy his way. Sleeping Mario https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/011l29